crash and burn...

Why love hate....well well.. I guess there are a variety of emotions...but it eventually burns down to “love” and “hate” innit?? Today was one of those days where I have been through loving and hating things...
Loved catching up with a friend over lunch...we had recently been through a rough patch...misunderstandings.....and all...the whole package..but we have made up...and it was good taking over lunch....I got to know certain things about the other person and so did the other...we talked about a lot of different things....when I was on my way for the rendezvous I had on my mind ..... “Oh god I have a lot to do and I hope its a short thing...”but when we began to part ways I was thinking...I really like the time we spent together...why were we on bad terms before....was it really worth it...OH well I’m glad alls good now....
Then I got back home and my sore arm has been troubling me since...its swollen and I’m having difficulty moving it around much...no wonder I am cranky today...a tiny bit...and then the one who was supposed to be going to watch Persepolis tomorrow cancelled...guess what the reason was??? “got drunk and fell down...hurt my knees so bad..that I can’t walk...”.....I thought...”good for you...moron...If you soak up liquor like a sponge...every night...U should have seen this coming...shouldn’t u have?”...I hate people who don’t stick to their words..btw...I’m not some crazy bitch who gets angry on “ä poor soul who just happened to cancel” no....I hate people who don’t honour their words...I hate liars and I hate people who are judgemental...and form preconceived notions without knowing the whole story....I label them...”morons with brains the size of peanuts and a mouth as big as the face at Luna Pärk”....(mentioned it once in my previous post too...)...
More reason for anger...had a tiny fight with someone...and for some odd reason it upset me...usually I’m not bothered by it....but today I was...to such an extent that I felt rage....such rage as I hadn’t felt for a while...and felt like breaking something...( it helps at times...helps release tension and stress...and most of all anger)....but instead I just went for a walk and let the cold winter evening breeze flow through my hair....(it was freezing today)....and got back home when I felt better...a little better...
I thought I could use a little distraction and chit-chat for a while with P but she’s kind of busy this whole weekend...the Bf is here...and she needs all the space one needs....so I didn’t bother her....I thought of watching a movie to distract myself....I usually do this when I am trying calm down...I reckon loosing oneself in the virtual world for a short time...is wonderful....and nothing works as good as a romantic flick...Watched SWEET NOVEMBER....was it the sweetest flick...and the saddest....and without fail my tear glands were working out like crazy....I mean this is the kind of romance I have always dreamed about...such things have been part of my fantasies for as long as I can remember...the swept off ur feet kind of ...feel good.....beautiful relation that you share with a significant other....very soothing and nice background score too...but It tugged on my heart strings...
I can only wish for something as beautiful to happen...someday maybe..will be my day....

and on an ending note watch this...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0X2rbfF1n0

oye oye oye....

yet another random day of this not that special year....woke up late this morning...around 9 and felt like never uncurling myself or leaving my blanket...so another 10 mins..and another 10...added upto an hour and finally woke up at 10am....and needless to say OH crap need to rush now....and rush I did....although like a good "little girl" I had a cup-a-milk with heaps of drinking chocolat..in it...and a croussant...

have been trying to convinse people to watch persepolis with me...but no...people don't like watching unconventional films....DAMN!!...neway finally did find someone who agreed to come along...so Im watching it this sunday....

as soon as i reached uni....for some reason....my mood did a total 180 degree...I wasn't upset or annoyed when I left home...but by the time I reached uni....Í was feeling pretty angry...I try hard not to get worked up by what "judgemental morons with brains the size of peanuts and mouth as big as the size of the face at Luna Park"...usually have to say about me or how I live life....

But at times....things get to me..human after alll...and that too a tad too emotional...trying hard to be strong.....neway....I was pretty shocked when Mum mentioned somethign about getting settled and marriage etc...I mean she was talking about it happening next year...for a second I thought she was joking...but apparently not...the very idea...seems insane to me...the thought of being responsible for another person too when I barely manage to take my own seriously.....lol...Itll take a bit of convinsing when I see her later this year ....for her to drop that idea...but I can be convinsing and persistent....I always get my way...somehow.....always have since as far as I can remember...

Theres a millions different things still racing through my mind...and I cannot make sense of half the things....and this uncertainty about life scares me...I don't know what I want....(kindoff do..but not fully)...I don't know where Ill end up 6 months from now....I don't know who Ill be living with 6months from now...neither do I know If I will live here for long.......and the list of the unknown is long....

I bought a brand new flash drive (4GB) and the highlight of today is my brand new RED (blood red... :) ) bath towel...I'm just about three items away from being the proud owner of a head to toe "red" thingies...as part of my wardrobe...

indians..O!!

I get frustrated , disgusted,angry and sad sometimes when I analyse and notice the things indians do.....I mean things that are very typical of indians....
for instance...I live in a suburb where everyone is either korean or indian....well the blance is heavily tipping towards indian...rapidly...
I have noticed whenever I'm down at the local shop or the departmental store round the corner or even simply walking past...guys stare!!!and when i say stare it isn't just that they stare and then do whatever it is they were doing...its xactly the opposite...they stop what they are doin and stare like they have caught site of an ET.....there are two public telephone booths near my place..and trust me...hardly ever do I find it empty or should I say "Indian free"...when ever I pass by I can almost always hear some guy screaming at the top of his voice...dont be mistaken..its always a normal conversation...just soo loud that I pity the shop assistants near the booth...god save their eardrums...and thats not the end...if a girl passes by they do a complete 360degree to follow the chick with their gaze...I have ever so often prayed while passing through there...why doesnt one of them get strangled one day..should be a good lesson for the others who gawk at us....

My roomie P and I have this habbit of naming- wanna be cool, trying to be all "ojji...ojji...ojji" indian guys sporting gotees, and studs (sometimes more than one) and apache indian styled crew cuts....who wear tshirts so tight I can see their nipples standing out and it looks like the shirt could burst any moment (not being able to withstand the surface tension)- the likes of them "RAMBO"....

neway...a recent trip to an indian parlour left me disgusted...The lady who was serving me...had a horrible cough....and she didn't have the decensy to cover her mouth while coughing....so I was lying there with cotton thingies cvering my eyelids...while she was doing the threading...and she just kept coughing violently...and even while she was doing the cleansing....my o my....I was busy thinking....what was the point of the face cleansing...when may be all shes doing is spitting outher germs onto me face...ewoooo makes me shiver thingking of the day even now....I felt like telling her offf...for her disgusting habbit....but then could I..NO? because my eyebrows were at her mercy...I got back home and went to shower straight away...scrubbed myself raw...to get rid of all the "kooooodies" !

gggggrrrrrrrhhhhh!!!! :( oh sweet lord...Y ME???

on a ending note happy independence day to alll u :)

i feel dead...

tuesdays are one of the most hectics days ever....I mean i have 13 sometimes 14 hr. days...i currently feel dead...thats right...I feel dead...feel like I could go to sleep and never ever wake up again...AND if i do wake up then be immobile for the rest of my life...sooooooo frikkin tired...you must be thinking "O!how come shes complaining and blogging at the same time"...well I am forced to stay up and go through the material I have to teach at an early morning tute....WTF!!!!its like uni is becoming home for me...so I'm multitasking looking through that stuff...and listening to music to relax myself...and thought of venting my anger/frustration by blogging...

white etc.....

watched the second in the series of the three colours...yesterday night...stayed up till 2:30 am watching that film...another masterpiece by Krzysztof Kieślowski another of those oh my god love can be so painful *sob sob* moments towards the end...this ones about a Polish man who is a hairdresser and has a french wife. Movie starts off with her seeking divorce at a french high court...on the grounds that Karol ( the guy) couldn't consummate their marriage...and later she adds she doesn't love her husband anymore...the story moves on...Karol manages to get back to Warsaw with the help of a fellow polish bridge player Mikolaj...and eventually he becomes a rich , successfull businessman...who still hasn't been able to forget the wife and still loves beyond anything...he fakes his own death and frames his wife Dominique for it by crafty means...and the film ends with him staring at his wife in a prison cell....tears streaming down his eyes....

It got me thinking how powerful can love be....I mean if you love someone dearly and you are loved back...its all well and good....if not theres a chance that all hell might break loose....and I draw my example from this film....he was so much in love with his wife...but her repeated "no"for an answer to his "please come with me to Poland!" and his hatred for her....or may be her lack of reciprocation to his emotions.....turned him into a Mad-man with a purpose---a desire to see her suffer for making him suffer....

I have been through few such situations myself sometimes I have been on the receiving end , at some other times on the giving end....but I'm yet to feel emotions so strong as to be able to do something as crazy....I guess just havn't met that one person yet....who would bring that side of me out in the open....

Would like to know what any joe-blow would do on being blown away by some one they thought they loved more than anyone else....feel free to share your experience here....

Apart from this occassional escape into the virtual world where I can make evrything come true...to my likings....I have been rather busy...lifes turned into a mad rat race again....I wake up in the morning around 8 to 8:30 am everyday thinking oh crap I should have got up earlier....then I catch the bus to uni (yes i have started catching the bus instead of goin train-bus, allows me a fair bit of book reading time to and fro...) and once at uni....thankx to the idiots who are called "receptionist", try their hardest to make life a tad more difficult than it already is....I mean sisnce the time our room in the school has been taken away from us...I have to practically go beg them to let me use one of the many others that are not in use and lie locked up accumulating dust.....thanks to my uncle....he managed to get me through to the head of school and finally I have a room again....:) my dataset has been the core of all misery in my life over the past week and a half....its been giving bizarre...spurious results....God knows why...and I'm still in a fix about my final model....less than a month away from my final presentation....without the model...I can't work on the general stats...the analysis....my personla contribution...comparison with other studies in this field...or my conclusion...bloody HELL!!!

seems like the world is out to get me...nothing is going right in life starting from the tiniest thing to whatever else is of importance....to make matters worse I have also caught a bad cold...been sneezing,coughing incessantly..have a red runny nose...and it seems to be a never ending spell of winter...like the 100 year winter in NARNIA....( Narnia-the lion the witch and the wardrobe)....

I lost my glasses yet again...and now have to settle for lenses again much to my joy...my dad was surprised how I managed to loose three glasses over half a year...I told him...I always knew god wanted me to look HOT...which i so don't look if I have glasses on... ;).... Have an appointment with my optometrist tomorrow morning....and should have my 20/20 vision back latest by monday... :)

blue...

just finished watching the first in the series of the 3 colours...the story is not too long..neither is it a complicated story...just really well made...the sites and sounds and pictures everything has its own significance...nothing is meaningless....it shows the transformation of a widow...from great anger to grief to sadness ( she doesn't cry inspite of loosing her husband and child in a ghastly accident) to being herself and start living for herself...after learning about her husband's infidelity....I do not remember the name of the protagonist (Julie in the film...FRENCH film!!!)..but its been beautifully enacted...loved it...

subconscious speaks....

"When one is in a morbid state of health, one's dreams are often characterised by an unusual vividness & brilliance, & also by an extreme lifelike quality....

Sometimes the scene that is conjured up is a monstrous one, yet the setting and the entire process of representation are so lifelike & executed with details that are so subtle, astonishing, yet correspond in an artistic sense to the integral nature of the whole, that the dreamer himself could never invent them while awake, not even if he were an artist of the order of Pushkin...."...words of an author which mimics 'me' thoughts....

surreal images.....