with or without a reason...

I don't know if I should be happy or sad....I mean for any random joe blow..harry or dick....I would appear to be a normal happy soul...but I'm not....I think I know what the reasons are at times...but at others I'm at a loss for reasoning...to rationalise my own reactions and behaviour....

I'm not all that unpredictable...but theres this anger burning up a hole in me...anger for what I do not know....but I know I have this excess energy that needs to be channelised before it leads to something extreme....lifes been a boring monotonous something for as long as I can remember and I don't see it changing anytime soon....which pisses me off majorly....

I like things/people I would myself not categorise as nice/amiable....when I ask myself why...I can't find a reason for it.....well I can to an extent but still doesn't justify why I would stick to such and such....my studies are nearing an end....

Wanna switch my stream.....most people see it as immature and eccentric....but to me I have my own reasons....It'll make me happy...actually more than that....I am looking for a niche to ...get away from the mental turmoil that is churning up inside everyday.....

for now that has to be put on halt.....coz of lack of the right things.....but I hope I can get back to it a year or two from now....even to myself it sounds too far fetched at times......but I hope the instinct stays alive and I can pursue it....if not It'll be a regret i shall nurture forever...what if I had given it a try.....

theres too many what if's circling around teh periphery of me cephalon at all times....if only i could get some answer...if only.....

on a different note....I have been working my ass offf for the past few weeks....my supervisor is a boob-staring-good-for-nothing-ass who has not done much to help me with my research....he is not even hot..!!

I have been downloading a lot of disney animations and all of house MD episodes for a while now....I already have all of season 4...shall soon have the rest...a great addition to my repertoire...:)

I absolutely love house...I know you must be thinking (if u at all watch it) whts so great abt him....everything....he's whole persona is so attractive...hot old men..I have hots for lot of them....:).....Ihave changed my sleep cycle totally...I go to sleep arnd 3:30 am on all days but tuesdays....and I also am sick of teaching idiotic-dumb-arses-who-have-brains-the-size-of-peanuts....feel like stabbing myself at times....gets to me at times...:(

I still havn't been able to watch persepolis... :'( someone please come with me...anyone...please please....

watch this...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_QMFJUX3JY&feature=related:) I plaigiarised the title of the post...its one of my favourite posts by a fellow blogger...oh but i guess its not plaigiarising...if i'm acknowledging it...:P

oye oye oye....

yet another random day of this not that special year....woke up late this morning...around 9 and felt like never uncurling myself or leaving my blanket...so another 10 mins..and another 10...added upto an hour and finally woke up at 10am....and needless to say OH crap need to rush now....and rush I did....although like a good "little girl" I had a cup-a-milk with heaps of drinking chocolat..in it...and a croussant...

have been trying to convinse people to watch persepolis with me...but no...people don't like watching unconventional films....DAMN!!...neway finally did find someone who agreed to come along...so Im watching it this sunday....

as soon as i reached uni....for some reason....my mood did a total 180 degree...I wasn't upset or annoyed when I left home...but by the time I reached uni....Í was feeling pretty angry...I try hard not to get worked up by what "judgemental morons with brains the size of peanuts and mouth as big as the size of the face at Luna Park"...usually have to say about me or how I live life....

But at times....things get to me..human after alll...and that too a tad too emotional...trying hard to be strong.....neway....I was pretty shocked when Mum mentioned somethign about getting settled and marriage etc...I mean she was talking about it happening next year...for a second I thought she was joking...but apparently not...the very idea...seems insane to me...the thought of being responsible for another person too when I barely manage to take my own seriously.....lol...Itll take a bit of convinsing when I see her later this year ....for her to drop that idea...but I can be convinsing and persistent....I always get my way...somehow.....always have since as far as I can remember...

Theres a millions different things still racing through my mind...and I cannot make sense of half the things....and this uncertainty about life scares me...I don't know what I want....(kindoff do..but not fully)...I don't know where Ill end up 6 months from now....I don't know who Ill be living with 6months from now...neither do I know If I will live here for long.......and the list of the unknown is long....

I bought a brand new flash drive (4GB) and the highlight of today is my brand new RED (blood red... :) ) bath towel...I'm just about three items away from being the proud owner of a head to toe "red" thingies...as part of my wardrobe...

blue...

just finished watching the first in the series of the 3 colours...the story is not too long..neither is it a complicated story...just really well made...the sites and sounds and pictures everything has its own significance...nothing is meaningless....it shows the transformation of a widow...from great anger to grief to sadness ( she doesn't cry inspite of loosing her husband and child in a ghastly accident) to being herself and start living for herself...after learning about her husband's infidelity....I do not remember the name of the protagonist (Julie in the film...FRENCH film!!!)..but its been beautifully enacted...loved it...